Floyd: [wearing a suit of armor] Oh, my little green friend. Waldorf: [after the song "Happy Feet"] You know, on the show that wasn't funny. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty, freako! The Great Gonzo: Really? [suddenly, they see a chicken chase after the Swedish Chef with a cleaver], [Ethel hits Animal over the head with fist]. Statler: [as he and Waldorf continue to watch TV] Well, what do you think of television? The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash! With the discovery of gold, local residents are expecting a full... [suddenly, the dynamite explodes, destroying the desk]. Statler: I wonder what the Swedish Chef has up his sleeve today. Kermit the Frog: Oh, boy, finally we have a real Hollywood tough guy on this show. Scooter: Soon. But we don't have to go back to the swamp. Fozzie Bear: I don't approve of belly dancers. Big Bird: Oh. Fozzie: [the phone rings] I'll get it! Every show has a script! Okay Lou, there's his chain, but let me ask just one favor. The lovely Miss Juliet Prowse. Loretta Swit: Kermit, you can't just pick her up and throw her out in the snow. Kermit the Frog: Say, how many of those cigars do you smoke? Sergei has 96 children, 150 grandchildren, and 228 great-grandchildren, none of whom visit him. Seven people have allegedly been attacked by a wandering pack of sofas at the east edge of town. [Fozzie chases Gonzo away screaming]. Miss Piggy: Dr. Bob, you don't look well. Hai-ya! Saved by Megan Cunningham. Welcome to The Muppet Show. Statler: Well, they had no place to go but up. May 30, 2015 - Some entertainment industry themed Tuesday Timewasters for this sunny day! Jan 15, 2015 - This Pin was discovered by Rosemarie. Link: The stars are twinkling in the sky. It was amazing, it was bizarre... [guest star Connie Stevens has just finished singing "Close to You"]. You see, the road has washed out and my horse had a flat tire. Ernie: Hey, Bert, wait a minute. Kermit the Frog: What are we going to do? Statler: You know, they can improve the whole show if they just changed the ending. Ernie: Thank you, thank you, thank you. [Connie Stevens emerges and begins dancing with him] Oh, Connie... Once you have found her never let her go/Once you have found her never let her go. Statler: You know, I think they were trying to make a point with that sketch. Rowlf: At this time, I would like to present my rendition of one of the great songs of our time. Statler: It's the first time we've had to wait for it to get tacky. Unfortunately. [they both laugh]. Bruno: Oh, I've been showing His Majesty around the newsroom. Fozzie Bear: Please, take my wife! Kermit the Frog: a minute. View Quote. Kermit: OK, I tell you what - you tell a joke and I will heckle you. Statler: Yes, unless I get lucky and break my leg. I was willing to give them credit! Statler: [as they sit with an avocado] I didn't like it. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Fozzie Bear: Kermit. Waldorf: That's one of the reasons I always thought the Muppets are weird. See, it's Jokes on Any Subject. [holds up a sign saying 'The Muppy Show'], Kermit the Frog: 'The Muppy Show'? Statler: Now wasn't that a cultural show? I'll never forget her closing night at the Palace. Kermit the Frog: Like the guy who holds the cue cards. Miss Piggy: What would you come back as next time? Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentlemen. Fozzie Bear: Uh, Kermit? Tonight ladies and gentlemen, I will eat this rubber tire to the music The Flight Of The Bumblebee. And it's not just the quadripeds, neither. Anyhow, gestation periods. Miss Piggy: Oh! Finally! Kermit the Frog: Really? This is all spontaneous, unrehearsed. Floyd: Man to man? Kermit the Frog: And now, in a feat of grand daring never before seen on this planet, the Great Gonzo will attempt to wrestle a six-pound red brick while completely blindfolded. 417 likes. Wasn't it? It was right under our noses. I bought a scale that lies! Don't say anything about this. Miss Piggy: [in Miss Piggy's body] Wha - ? Any complaints? This is a stick down. The Muppet Show Quotes 23445. Statler: That number scared the pants off of me. Guy in theater: [to Statler & Waldorf] Hey will you guys hold it down up there! Zoot: I don't know either, but you're wearing it! Kermit, thank you for apologizing so sincerely and abjectly to your lover pig. Miss Piggy: Or if we ever got one honest laugh? Over its 40 years, Muppets on 'Sesame Street' have addressed AIDS, divorce, a parent's deployment overseas, and a death in the family. Kermit the Frog: Gonzo? Most of them seem to be moving about on foot, but some cheeses naturally are in wheels. I'm not even on the stage, and I'm in trouble. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty freako! All Seasons Season 1 . The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Votes: 4. I fool him every time! Statler: Yes, yes. Lola Bramswell: No, not really, except that twice a day, I find myself going in and out with the tide. I bought one and George bought one, where were you? Rowlf: And that's how it was the day Kid Fozzie came to town. Fozzie: Muppet Show backstage. Fozzie Bear: Oh, come on Kermit! Soprano Beverly Sills withdrew her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage. Dom DeLuise: Actually, the little teensy basket of fruit is more suitable to you. Fortunately, there were no injuries to the passersby. Waldorf, Statler: [looking at each other; alarmed] What! Well, I will not listen! Nigel: Okay, Zoot, it's time for your solo. Quack. The Loop (TV) Do you like this video? Statler: Why should we leave now? You know what we used to do with wood? “Oh. Gonzo: And it's Nancy Walker, not Fancy Talker. Kermit: [a little shaken] Uh Fozzie, who was it this time? This is our chance. Edgar Bergen: Well, then probably I'm not here today. All you need are the clothes Bert. Right, Bert? Kermit: Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a moment. Statler: I once knew a whole chorus line that was turned to stone. We appear to have landed on some sort of comedy-variety show planet... Luke Skywalker, C-3PO: [with Piggy, Link, and Strangepork] Oh, no, Derth Nader! Jun 27, 2014 - Explore Christie Slifka's board "The Muppets", followed by 350 people on Pinterest. Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. Famous French clothing designer David Lazour was arrested today under the poultry laws for designing clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens. We can take that as a compliment? Spike Milligan: [conspiratorial] No, your secret is safe with me. Kermit: Oh, thank you. Waldorf: Well, you gotta give them credit. The Newsman: Now for a Muppet News Flash! Yeah, I am Felix Ogelbaum in Copenhagen, Denmark. But I'm already close to something else. Vincent Price: Oh, well, some people learn faster than others. Kermit: [suddenly runs in] Aha! Miss Piggy: Oh, this isn't going to be a Great Dane joke, is it? Statler: Ha ha ha! Kermit the Frog: Your average frog doesn't have much going for him in the looks department. Kermit the Frog: Floyd, how can I find a bass player now? The Newsman: Yes, Dr. Ogelbaum, can you tell us about this cure? [Waldorf is by himself in the balcony seats; Statler's seat is empty]. Among the items tossed out were ten thousand ping pong balls... [suddenly, many, many ping pong balls fall out of the sky, raining down on the Newsman's desk]... and one bowling ball. Statler: Hey, Waldorf, I was wondering if maybe you... [continues to move his lips]. I mean, seriously, I think you've been using your imagination too much. Fozzie Bear: My cousin is so dumb, he spent two weeks in London trying to find the European Common Market. Waldorf: Don't bother now. Shop affordable wall art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank walls aren't welcome. Miss Piggy: Uh, listen, yellow thing. Why, you old fool! Kermit the Frog: I mean me! They'll love us. Arab drilling-rig operator: Before we start d-trilling, where should zwe pahrk ze CAMELS? The Great Gonzo: No, Kermit, it's worse than that. Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want to see you and say goodbye. Waldorf: [looking down from the balcony] He shouldn't have jumped. Edit Buy. Gonzo: [singing] She touched me... She swung her porky pinky's and She touched me. Gonzo: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? Juliet Prowse: That's funny. A former circus daredevil, who billed himself as Boffo the Human Cannonball, fired himself out of a cannon yesterday into a crowd of holiday shoppers. Uncle Deadly: Every night at the stroke of midnight, the master turns into a screaming, maniacal, demonic, raging, blood-lusting animal! 1. Beauregard: Kermit! [the camera pulls back to reveal the show being watched by a man at home]. Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety. I will not forget the name. Statler: Are you ready for the end of the world? Jim Henson vaulted Kermit, the famous floppy-armed frog, and his Muppet pals to the big screen with this charming 1979 musical adventure. As a matter of fact, right now I'd like you to meet another good friend of mine. [they both laugh]. Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Or if Nurse Janice ever kept her mouth shut? I am Miss Piggy.” “Uh, listen, yellow thing. Hilda: Gonzo, aren't you a little old to carry around a teddy bear? Statler: That's what I want, nothing to do with this show! Waldorf: We're look more like members of the Stone Age! Fozzie: I bet on a horse that came in so late they had to pay the jockey time and a half. [suddenly, the Venus de Milo falls down on top of the Newsman's desk]. Kermit the Frog: What a dumb dog! Waldorf: Actually, that's your basic Pig Latin number. Waldorf: Do you think there's life in outer space? WHY YOU... [Link suddenly opens a trap door under Piggy, who falls through; he then looks down at it as Piggy suddenly pops up behind him through another trap door], Miss Piggy: [taps Link on the shoulder to get his attention] Fatso this! Miss Piggy: [Dom received a bouquet of roses intended for Miss Piggy, which he threw on the ground] Are those my roses? Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: What has 1,000 legs but can't walk? I'll get you with my knife. Floyd Pepper: Everything is everything. Waldorf: Jean-Pierre has recorded an album of Frank Sinatra's hits on the flute! Sweetums: Great! Uncle Deadly: [holding Kermit by the throat and shaking him] I swore I would never perform here again, nor would anyone else. His goal: to break the world's record in flagpole sitting. [Waldorf punches Statler in the jaw]. Lou Rawls: Don't let him chase any *cars*? The Newsman: And now, direct from the Chicago Livestock Board, here are the gestation periods. Statler: You know, Gonzo would have been perfect for that movie he was going to star in. He's not on stage either. Waldorf: [as he and Statler watch something on a TV in their balcony seats] What's the name of this movie? Fozzie Bear: Hey, we were so poor, I was born at home. I would have given anything to do the jousting scene! Half of them brought the tar and the rest brought the feathers! Kermit the Frog: [shouting] I am not kidding! Milton Berle: How do you like that? I just wanted to see if I could say it. [the Black Knight enters, sporting a distinctive hook-nosed helmet]. What more does he want? The Muppets The Muppet Show Beaker Muppets Das Tier Muppets Mejores Series Tv Top 20 Funniest Funny Quotes Funny Memes Laugh Quotes buymelaughs.com - This website is for sale! Nothing at all! Kermit: That one thinks he's Rudolf Nureyev. Miss Piggy: For your information, you overdressed splinter, my heart belongs to Kermit. Big Bird: Oh, you do acrobatics, too. Speak up, my hearing aid's not working! Hi there and welcome to The Muppet Show! Statler: We don't even know how to get out of this stupid theater box! I knew you were a gas. Fozzie Bear has a plan to get back at Statler and Waldorf when he does his act, but is crushed when he's replaced by Bruce Forsyth. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. [quivers with rage]. Here's your money. Miss Piggy: Well, what are you going to do? Ernie: Oh, I'm sorry, Bert, here. I have a very special reason to be excited. You and I are going to tell the world's funniest joke. Waldorf: I wish Gene Kelly would teach me the Charleston. My Hamlet was acclaimed as the greatest ever. View Quote. So here he is, as threatened, the Great Gonzo singing a song. Have you met my left fist? Milton Berle: [speaking, soulfully] Now the curtain is going down on the Entertainer: the artist, the pro. Fozzie Bear: Thirty days hath September, April, June, and my cousin Fred who gets out on Wednesday. Statler: There's certainly none in this theater. You can't fire me, I'm the star! Kermit: William Tell act, onstage, let's go. In its only recording, "You And I And George" sold three copies. Rowlf: You And I And George went strolling down the park one day/And then you held my hand as if to say I Love You/Then we passed a brook and George fell in and drowned himself/And floated out to sea leaving you alone with me. This is an adaptation from Charles Dickens classic novel that tells about the metamorphosis of Scrooge. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Now, Beaker, you forgot the beaker. Kermit the Frog: We've had to move things around a little... Fozzie Bear: KERMIIIIT! And what a show we have for you tonight. In other planetary news, Venus is about to make a hard landing on the Muppet Newsroom. Statler: Beats sitting around watching television. Tonight, I'm going to use your assistance. [Rowlf is playing "The Entertainer" slowly]. The Newsman: Tell me, Mrs. Thomas, why did you do such a thing? Link Hogthrob: First Mate Piggy, I need your help. 20 Jan. 2021. We know Gonzo! Sam the American Eagle: You call THAT dignity? Waldorf: [responding to Paul Williams doing "Old Fashioned Love Song"] He's a credit to his race. Last week he ate the guest. Mark Hamill: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? Kermit the Frog: What's there to like, Gonzo? Kermit the Frog: You pay him by the line? Roger Moore: Kermit, is it always like this on the show? [Waldorf vanishes] Yeah, I know what you... [Statler vanishes, too]. The Newsman: Reports are coming in from all over the world that television news reporters are blowing up. Statler: Boy, he's really good, that Rudolf Nureyay... Nurayeye... You know, I should really learn to pronounce his name. From The Muppet Show with Dudley Moore: (after "She Loves You") Waldorf: Seeing a number like that always makes me nostalgic. But this is terrible, I can't live my life being you. [they both laugh], The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Kermit the Frog: [Uncle Deadly's response is an evil, maniacal laugh] Apparently, there is no logical explanation. Statler: We're not afraid. You have to know how to talk to him. Milton Berle: You know what they're about? Fozzie Bear: Okay, okay, okay. Waldorf: I don't know. Lou Rawls: Animal, you know, you play the drums so good. Remember THIS! Miss Piggy: Here's a touch for ya, wimp buzzard! Whatever that means. Elton John: Well, you guys are all dressed like stolen cars! Scooter: Well, the people that published the music from Camelot just called and they won't let you do it. And he thinks I'm moldy! Waldorf: Yep, and that was nothing like it. [goes to do it, then turns to the audience] Erase the cow? [clears throat] Now, frog of my heart, you will just wait until I say the word "hear". Kermit the Frog: Leggies and genglefins, welcun again to tie Mupple Shocks. Tags: Clickable Quiz, Follow That Line Quiz, Quote Quiz, fill-in-the-blank, jokes, Matching, Miss World, The Muppets, The Muppet Show, TV Quotes Top Quizzes Today Celebrities by Birthplace 141 I had a dressing room so small, all the mice were hunchbacked. Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob] Hey! My roots are there, and I just wanted you and my other friends to see it. Waldorf: That's one of the reasons I always thought the Muppets are weird. Wayne: Kermit, this is an ultimatum. He-hey! Cloris Leachman: Where did those pigs come from? Fozzie Bear: Kermit! [screams]. Have you looked over the music? Fozzie, don't forget her name this time. Kermit: Of course. Fozzie Bear: Alright, listen, you will know when I point to you. Fozzie Bear: Okay. The Muppet Show Quotes 34250. Why can't they dance on the floor like everyone else? History Talk (0) Share. Kermit the Frog: Well, gee, Miss Piggy, I was born in the swamp. At my age, I have to hold on to something. Fozzie Bear: In our house, we use paper plates, and every night after dinner, my wife erases the dishes. Juliet Prowse: Well, thank you Kermit. The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. Scooter: [seeing Elton taking a curtain call in a traditional suit while everyone else wears flamboyant costumes] Boy, Elton, you look WEIRD! Well Bert, what do you say? Statler: I know. Each episode also features a different guest star. Waldorf: Sure, it couldn't be worse than this show. Scooter: Oh, boy, oh, boy, chief. Fozzie Bear: Just read off the page, frog. The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Miss Piggy: I can't captain the Swinetrek looking like this, though I am kind of cute. Statler: Well, that's better than opening it with a bang. As the series' popularity rose, many celebrities were eager to perform with the Muppets on television and in film. It must be cleansed! Fozzie Bear: Dressing room? Ernie, come here... did I just make a complete fool of myself? [Laughs], Miss Piggy: Kiss your feathers goodbye, bird! Waldorf: I think it's Lewis Carrol turning over in his grave. Kermit the Frog: Well, you see, frogs are handsome, debonair and charming, while toads are ugly and give you warts. Sam the American Eagle: Oh, to have the brilliant, talented Rudolf Nureyev on our show! I am a desperate bear ready for desperate measures. Hey listen, is everything OK? I can see everything. Wait a minute. Statler: [scratching himself] I wonder why I'm so itchy? C... can I get you anything? Waldorf: At these prices, who's going to complain? Kermit the Frog: Well, Connie, we sure wanna thank you for being with us on the show tonight. Muppets: But when he came on to do his favorite song, he really wowed them in the cities and the towns. You're a wonderful looking audience! Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." Miss Piggy: You don't make it easy, Frog! Why don't you do that act you rehearsed? You think he'd be interested? Ernie: [patting Bert's shoulder] Absolutely, Bert. Oh brother. Not to mention the Osmond Brothers. Waldorf: No, my wife has a whole glass of it every morning! [they both laugh], The Newsman: And now a Muppet News Flash. Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate! You know what? Fozzie Bear: Come on, pick up the pace. Lesley Ann Warren: You know, Kermit, I thought you were the one person on this show who wasn't crazy. The Newsman: Simultanious translation, bringing you news and views across the language barrier. [opens his mouth; Waldorf looks inside and laughs]. Miss Piggy: Oh. The Great Gonzo: [offstage] This is the voice of doom! So we're gonna have a great show for you tonight. That was a low and dirty trick, setting up a date with me and Gonzo. Some Statler & Waldorf quotes that I like: From Muppet*Vision 3D: Fozzie: How did you get here? But the show is addressing incarceration in a way it didn't used to: by bringing the show directly to the kids and families it wants to reach. Dateline: New York. Fozzie Bear: Oh, hi, Floyd. Zoot: Do you expect me to play this, man? Miss Piggy: We must've used every dumb Hawaiian joke in the book. Only Gonzo likes me. Kermit the Frog: Floyd, Floyd, it's time to do "Lullaby of Birdland.". Waldorf: No, but it sure got wounded pretty badly tonight. [the lamb bleats behind him; the Newsman looks around]. I will replace you! Waldorf: I remember Ethel Merman in the opening of "Panama Hattie". Here I am. Fozzie: Let's all sing the rhyming song, the rhyming song, the rhyming song. Statler: The legend of Robin Hood will never die. I mean they were tough. For the past ten years, she has eaten nothing but seaweed. The Great Gonzo: Oh, but I brought my Teddy Bear in just especially for you to repair. Said his youngest son, Leonid, "He smells funny.". Let me come right to the point. At the stage door, I passed a bunch of Muppet fans and suddenly I hear... Kermit the Frog: [somewhat grudgingly] Good grief, the comedian's a bear. The spaceship Swine Trek is about to make a soft landing on a distant planet. Miss Piggy: [yelling] NO HARD FEELINGS? Mr. Oblong, whom state officials say is not playing with a full deck, says that he will not disclose the whereabouts of the state of New York, but does say it has enough food and water to last for ten more days. Kermit the Frog and his fellow Muppets put on a vaudeville show at their theatre, bringing in a famous celebrity to help out for each episode. Statler: "The Revenge of the Little Blue Geek". Animal: Good drummer, good drummer, good drummer. Miss Piggy: Hold it! Why isn't the bear running things around here? (Both laughed) View Quote. Miss Piggy: *HUH*? Ernie: Oh, Bert. Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. The Atlantic Ocean has just been kidnapped. Fifteen seconds to curtain Miss Peters. Fozzie: I went to a diet doctor, and in just two months I lost $300! STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Statler: Yeah. Hilda: I say that bear is the worst thing I have ever seen in this theatre. Waldorf: Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn't have you. Dr. William Edgar of Chicago, Illinois, reports he has found a method of synthesizing Italian dinners out of wool. There's two kinda... Kermit the Frog: Stand by for the Western Sketch. your own Pins on Pinterest Sam the American Eagle: I have seen some pretty WEIRD guests on this show, but this Elton John borders on the revolutionary! A man of dignity. Fozzie Bear: Kermit, I am writing the script for this week's show! How'd you like it? 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